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Teach Us to Sit

10/31/2019

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"Teach Us to Sit  - acrylic, gesso and walnut ink on aquabord, 11" x 14".  Available here and at Artfinder.

Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still
Even among these rocks
              - T.S. Eliot


This quote, tucked within ​The Five Things We Cannot Change, made me chuckle.

Oh yes, I've been learning about caring and not caring, being still among the rocks and sitting with this feeling and that thought and watching without being defined by it.  And I'm learning to say yes to whatever conditions the universe presents, dropping my resistance and following the flow.  Mostly.

But I've also been teaching Wonder Mike to sit.

This really means I am teaching myself to sit among the rocks of dog training.  Patience, repetition, eye rolling (whoops!  did I say that?) and more patience.
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Teach Us to Sit
It is funny to me how the universe plunks a lesson down in front of me, and then proceeds to wrap everything else around that lesson.  

Wonder Mike, on the other hand, tethered to my belt loop by a long rope which requires him to follow me everywhere and set his alpha dog aside, is quietly plotting to steal another ink pen and chew it on the rug.  Ink pens, of course, become rocks to sit still among as I am scrubbing the carpet.  

This piece, a little return to whimsy, was an experiment with the rich walnut ink used by artist Carl Stoveland in his recent series of work.  Ink requires patience (rock sitting) while it dries, even when blended with gesso and acrylic paint. But the deep, murky darks it creates are worth the wait.  Don't worry - the walnut ink is safely tucked away where my little troublemaker can't reach it. :)
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Rodomontade

10/28/2019

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Rodomontade
"Rodomontade"  - mixed media on cradled wood panel, 24" x 26" x 1.25".  Ready to hang.  Available here and at Artfinder.

Portland is a crow mecca. They gallop across the road in front of my little dog, as if to say "we can't even be bothered to fly away from you, tiny creature."  They accept offerings in my front yard and ask for water during the dry summer months.  They fly the same path past my back door each evening on their way home to roost.  And I do believe they hold sway in the Portland fashion world, as so many of us here have a wardrobe which is 99.9% black or dark clothing. :)

As I sit with the work of Rick Bartow, there appears the crow archetype as viewed by First Peoples - the trickster.  We might be tempted to make a host of assumptions given the word "trickster".  But, dear reader, you know crows like I know crows.  We aren't fooled by their antics and charm.  They bring us secret messages -  if we dare to open them.
The trickster archetype (our black-garbed avian) exists to question, to cause us to question and not accept things blindly.  This meshes nicely with one of  The Four Agreements - "don't make assumptions."

When a way of thinking becomes outmoded and needs to be torn down and rebuilt, trickster appears.  If you're like me, the first response to the mere suggestion of tearing down and rebuilding the ways you are thinking is to dig in your heels and furrow your brows.  I chuckle as I write this, because I'm learning that these responses are exactly the clue that says - yep, girl, this is what you need to dive into. - take a breath and get on with it already.  Dropping the resistance makes everything  easier.

​This archetype also materializes when you are stuck chewing on your anger and frustration. I know, those two can be mighty tasty, and it may feel 
temporarily good to roll them over your tongue.  But they can be transformed into humor, into acceptance and perhaps even a new path in the road to consider skipping down if you're willing to set them free.  Humor tastes like cotton candy rolled in chocolate and dipped in crushed potato chips.   Maybe yours has sprinkles and a cherry on top?
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The Ferryman Proves to be a Rascal

10/24/2019

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"The Ferryman Proves to be a Rascal" - mixed media on 300 lb watercolor paper, 15" x 22".  Available here and at Artfinder.

I will be moving on from my self-directed study of Rufino Tamayo this week, as I dive back into one of the artists who grabs my gut with every painting and wrings out emotion like a merciless washerwoman....Rick Bartow.   His ability to both capture the essence of something and often use unexpectedly joyous colors even for the most somber of  topics makes me catch my breath.

His work does not invite sketching and skewing.  Rather, contemplation and an invitation to archetypes and peculiar proportions and colors.    And again, as you hear me repeat, repeat, repeat, a willingness to keep your mitts off the paint and relinquish the need to hone and refine.
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The Ferryman Proves to be a Rascal
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Crow Dancer - Rick Bartow
Returning to today's "ferryman", this one was completed over several weeks using Stan Kurth's method.  It has been turned around again and again - I couldn't settle on a composition - until finally there he was.  This piece was a lesson in sticking with something, even when your frustration level is going berserk in the studio and you'd really like to tear it into smithereens.  There are many potential meanings behind the title (courtesy of a line from the book The Five Things We Cannot Change by David Richo).  But it also applies to a rascally figure, who gave me quite the runaround before appearing with a wink.  Wishing you a rascal-free day, dear reader! :)
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The Whole Sky to Fly In and No Eye Watching

10/21/2019

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"The Whole Sky to Fly In and No Eye Watching" - mixed media on cradled wood panel, 24" x 36" x 1.25" .  Ready to hang.  Available here and at Artfinder.

The rains have arrive in Portland.  Rains and a wind that bangs the deep-toned gong in my backyard.  It is tempting to make the act of going outside a thing of necessity instead of the fun frolic of summer.  But a walk in the forest in the rain (thank you to a sweet friend for that), mud-covered boots, leaf-littered dog and the sound of an owl reset the mind to seek these soaking adventures.  Now we are ready for fall in the PNW.

This piece, perhaps the last in a series of weeping women, is the largest in a good while.  She's seen me through some sleepless nights, angsty self-questioning and ultimate surrender.   

"Creative work needs solitude.  It needs concentration without interruptions,  It needs the whole sky to fly in, and no eye watching, until it comes to that certainty which it aspires to, but does not necessarily have at once. "  MARY OLIVER
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The Whole Sky to Fly In and No Eye Watching
I've been cultivating a delicious sort of solitude.  It is heady, so much uninterrupted time.  After a lifetime of raising children (and a grandchild), working for others, managing things and priorities not my own - this long stretch of unfettered days is a luxury of the sort not found on vacation.  This only ends if I wish it to.  Oliver puts it best: "And that I did not give to anyone the responsibility for my life.  It is mine.  I made it.  And can do what I want to with it.  Live it.  Give it back, someday, without bitterness, to the wild and weedy dunes."  
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Things the Heart Knows

10/17/2019

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"Things the Heart Knows" - mixed media on 300 lb watercolor paper, 15" x 22".  Available here and at Artfinder.

This is the final piece from the Freedom in Watermedia workshop with the incredible Stan Kurth.  Ten  paintings in four long days.  Many of them already sold and delighting the eyeballs of others.  Artists - if you are considering a Stan Kurth workshop - do it!  (this message brought to you by FANS OF STAN KURTH, an imaginary organization of which I fancy myself to be the head cheerleader)

There are many shadowy images layered within this one.  I find another each time I look.  Kurth's process facilitates this.  When you suspend planned paintings and launch yourself into a fully intuitive process, the things your heart knows but maybe your mind can't see end up sandwiched in the paint.  Your job is then to keep your mitts off of it and resist the urge to polish and perfect.  Let it be what it is.  Hmmmmm, what if we could do that with ourselves?

I'm trying, in my newly upended life, to notice the imperfect beauty in others.  To place weight on the vulnerable and quirky and odd.  To allow space for others to let their authentic selves be present and restful.  And to keep my own imperfect self front and center.
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Things the Heart Knows
Not an easy feat in a world of enhanced images, carefully curated words, autocorrect and delete. It is so tempting...so easy to refine, polish, edit, enhance what we show to the world, just as we have difficulty letting the hand of the artist (that stray pencil mark, that dripping paint) remain uncovered in our work.  But I am convinced, if we crave authentic connection, we must resist - mitts off!  Let your own self shine.

And now, we return you to your regularly scheduled day. :)​
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Dreams and Maps of Memory

10/14/2019

10 Comments

 
"Dreams and Maps of Memory" - mixed media on cradled wood panel, 24" x 18" x 1".  Ready to hang.  Available here and at Artfinder.

This week's painting took a little side road into the peculiar.  It happens now and again when my heart is wide open and my inner critic and director are banished to the sidewalk.  Let's find out what she's whispering...

"The deepest place on Earth is not a physical place, but the stillness we enter at the bottom of our pain, at the bottom of our fear and worry."  MARK NEPO

I imagine you have been to this place, dear reader.  The place from which there is nowhere to go except to sit still and feel.   Something about fall - shortening days, dying blooms, chilly nights - acts like a high-speed elevator to this place, dredging up memories and ghosts of feelings; maps of where we once were.

In the stillness of this deep place, Nepo says, "too tired to deny that there's nowhere else to go" we find the spaciousness of joy.
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Dreams and Maps of Memory
This place help us grow both softer and stronger, says Nepo.  Holding these opposing concepts in my two hands, I see the truth of it.  As in the painting, strength and softness can (and must) co-exist for us to be ourselves in the world.  Lifting the mask, unfiltered, knowing we are strong enough to be soft, and soft enough to feel the joy in everything.
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Holding Opposites

10/10/2019

9 Comments

 
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Holding Opposites

"Holding Opposites" - mixed media on 300 lb watercolor paper, 15 x 15.  Available here and at Artfinder.

Sometimes I just have to stop, take a breath and say whoa.  When wrestling with life (who is a slippery, strong sparring partner, by the way) I am just giddy when a friend, a book or a bit of wisdom drops into my lap just like the universe was listening in on my whispered thoughts.  And, of course, it is. :)

This week it was a worn and heavily underlined book loaned to me by an artist friend.  The Five Things We Cannot Change and the Happiness We Find By Embracing Them, by David Richo.  From the first page, it was my life in print and some very profound (if challenging) wisdom for, well, NOT controlling it. 
In a chapter called "Everything Changes and Ends" (ACK!  Stop showing me my life!) there is instruction for a two-handed practice in which you hold your fear in one hand and your commitment to no longer act in a fear-based way in the other.  As in a Buddhist practice, you sit in your fear and breathe into it (not denying or pushing away) and then, simultaneously have awareness that you can handle whatever it is and get through it without becoming devastated.    Richo says "One hand is serenely mindful; one is courageously working.  When I hold both realities this way, I am agreeable to things as they are, and I am doing all I can to change them for the better as well."  Relinquishing control and still doing your best.  Saying "yes" to things as they are and holding hope they will be better.  Reality plus hope = serenity and courage.  

So I am practicing this holding of opposites in my thrice-daily walks (thank you, Wonder Mike, for keeping me moving).  And I am watching the fear fall away as the self-empowerment grows.  Yes to all the things.  Yes to all the hope.  Leaving a trail of cast-off control urges in the gutter with all the pretty red and yellow leaves.
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Freed Beyond the Telling

10/7/2019

5 Comments

 
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Freed Beyond the Telling
"Freed Beyond the Telling" - mixed media on gallery wrapped canvas, 16 x 20.  Ready to hang.  Available here and at Artfinder.

Women are appearing in the studio.  Pushing out from the canvas, telling stories with their eyes.  I sit quietly with them, listening with something other than ears. 

"All we want is to be freed beyond the telling of what went wrong or how we failed.  All we want is to be freed into living the one song that keeps lifting through our hearts.  Sometimes I think that what we call coincidence, what we call obstacle, what we call the miracle or surprise ---are all notes of the one song bringing us alive, throwing us into each other."     MARK NEPO,  Things That Join the Sea and the Sky

The one song throwing us into each other...echos of Hafiz (a Sufi poet) "​God and I are like two fat people in a small boat - we just keep bumping into each other and laughing" (my favorite poem of all time).
Coincidence, obstacle, miracle, surprise as musical notes of the one song.  These things that thread us together and bring us alive.  There have been some obstacles - oh yes.  But the coincidences (serendipity, synchronicity, magic) have lead to some surprise miracles that lift me into the one song and set my heart soaring.

In this painting, the layers are built and then heavily washed again and again and again.  Each washing leaving a little of the layer, but also moving some of that paint in an uncontrolled manner.  The telling of our stories, even the "what went wrong or how we failed" washes away some of the hurt but leaves a little shadow of what was, blurring into other stories until, one day, we are freed beyond the telling into living the one song.
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Full of Beautiful Mistakes

10/3/2019

11 Comments

 
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Full of Beautiful Mistakes

"Full of Beautiful Mistakes" - mixed media on 300 lb watercolor paper, 15" x 22".  Available here and at Artfinder.

​Another of my favorites from the Freedom in Watermedia workshop with Stan Kurth, this strong woman appeared early in the workshop, and continues to speak volumes in the studio.  She's declared herself done, and that's good enough for me.

I don't often talk about what I see in my own paintings.  Letting the viewer decide without my input is better, usually.  But this one speaks loudly to me, so I'll share some  thoughts.
​
  • She's facing the dark - holding a shield, horizontal lines stopped by her boundary...the shield is part of her and yet a separate shape.  And she's relaxed - confident  her shield will protect her.
  • She's scarred - her thigh, her knee, her face.  She's taken some hits, but they are now a part of her person, beautiful markings.
  • She's inscrutable - no expression to interpret.  Or to misinterpret.  She doesn't care what we think.
  • Her legs are large and tree-like.  She supports herself.  No weak-kneed schoolgirl, this one. She's formidable
So as I contemplated this painting - this warrior woman - I spent an afternoon listening to all the songs I think of as power anthems for women:  Janet Jackson's "Nasty", Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation", Alicia Keys' "Girl on Fire", Beyonce's "Run the World",, Lauren Hill's "That Thing", Ariana Grand's "God is a Woman" - to name a few.  (I didn't require any coffee after that.  Whoa!  There is a lot of powerful energy in these songs!)  

But there was just one song for the woman in this painting.   And it isn't just a song for women, but for all of us imperfect and beautiful humans.  Dear reader, this song's for you.


​No matter what we do (no matter what we do)
No matter what we say (no matter what we say)
We're the song inside the tune (yeah, oh yeah)
Full of beautiful mistakes - CHRISTINA AGUILERA
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Here's the blue wild, where
tiny dreamers ride beasts, speak
​ birdsong, hold the moon.

(by poet Mary W. Cox)
​


​Art prints available on request
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