LolaJovan.com
  • Home
  • ART
  • BLOG
  • Exhibits
    • The Downside of Lycanthropy
    • A Song for the Hunted
    • The Wild God
    • NUDGE - SHOVE
  • BOOKS

Vanished

10/6/2025

8 Comments

 
Picture
Vanished



​LISTEN to the blog by clicking the DOWNLOAD link above

Vanished
oil on yupo
11 x 14 inches
This item is unmounted and unframed.
(click on the image to purchase)

There is no assuaging the fear that things end & people leave. - SIMON JIMENEZ, THE VANISHED BIRDS


On my journey through life, on the way to self-understanding, I have come to know I am often deeply afraid of the end of things, especially relationships (romantic, familial, social, professional and so on). That fear has sometimes kept me embroiled in situations which were unhealthy, unacceptable and even abusive.
I accept this aspect of myself now, even to the point where I can write about it here, in a public space. Admittedly, I am a tiny bit nervous about doing so.

It is a remnant of the past, an echo of history, a whisper from my inner child. This person I have become sees the beauty of many endings and the space created by them for other, better, bigger, marvelous things! Even the completion of a painting creates space and time for the next one.

Right now, the ending of summer has created space for the beauty of fall. The end of a glorious vacation brings inspiration and a new sense of earned badassery. 

​I am curious - how are you with endings?
Picture

Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
I spent four years in a studio of white walls.  Slowly, inxorably ruining the walls with tape, paint, nail holes, bumps and scuffles until the walls pulled my eyes away from the art and chastized me. What are you doing with these white walls, they demanded to know. And I had no answer. What color do you paint walls when you live in a wonderland of color?

But knowledge is vast and the internet is astounding and I came across this article which was a lightbulb moment:  there are specific colors best suited for studio walls. Who knew?  Not me.

And now, after the crew has departed, the walls are nodding and high-fiving me and waiting for me to start painting with them as the backdrop. Ok, challenge accepted

About the art:  this piece began as an intuitive response to color - a dash of leftover red-orange on a piece of Yupo, a need to put teal nearby. And before I knew it there was full immersion and a palette full of paint, a palette knife and time passing without my knowledge. A landscape of sorts, a place to rest from the world, vertical tree-ness and flowing water-ness and a deep sigh of contentment.  If only all paintings flowed this way! 

Thanks to Trina T. for the idea she placed in the "suggestion box" last week!  For the month of October, the Reader Giveaway winner will have the opportunity to participate in a Question Exchange - five questions asked and answered between the reader and myself, via email, phone call or Zoom. Trina's idea to foster connection during tumultuous times is a grand one, I think, and I am looking forward to seeing how this experiement resonates with all of you, dear readers. XO

To enter the giveaway, simply leave a comment on any blog post this month - even if it is another idea for the "suggestion box" for reader giveaways! And thanks to all who read, comment and share this blog. You make me smile!
8 Comments
Dotty Seiter
10/5/2025 03:41:22 pm

Lola, thank you for this tender, vulnerable, and at the same time badass sharing about things that end and people who leave. I have mixed feelings about endings and leavings and changes, most particularly those that are not at my own bidding. BUT, I noticed that after my recent travels I had this perception: while I was away I was fully present to where I was, and it was fabulous; and now I am home again and I am fully present, and it is fabulous. Such was not historically the case!!

Then there are the endings and changes we DO mastermind. BUH-bye white studio walls, HELLO specific color best suited for studio walls. YES! GORGEOUS!

AND I can FEEL the full immersion, palette full of paint, and time's passing without your knowledge embodied in "Vanished." So magical, that flow!

Reply
lola
10/6/2025 01:44:41 pm

Dotty!!! Thank you for sharing your new perceptions while traveling. Your ability to be fully present to where you were (and are) is fabulous indeed! There are no endings if one is always in the moment, n'est pas?

Thanks also for celebrating with me a change of color and the resulting inspiration! xoxoxo

Reply
Carl Stoveland
10/6/2025 09:50:19 am

Lola
So much to like in this post. The painting is wonderful. I have to look at it again and again. I love the colors in the studio. I too never thought much about it. If I ever have a permanent studio space again instead of bouncing between the guest room, the dining room and classrooms I’ll make that part of the space’s consideration! I love the 5 questions thing! Great idea by Trina. We are different when it comes to endings. I spent my career changing jobs every 5 years I relished being able to reinvent myself. I’m also pretty severe about friendships. I don’t take ending them lightly, if it needs to be done it needs to be done. I rarely second guess those decisions. That’s a part of my personality I come to decisions quickly and don’t look back. I told Wendy after three weeks of dating I loved her. Lucky for me she didn’t run four the hills. We celebrate 36 years of marriage on 10/14. Excellent post today as always.

Reply
lola
10/6/2025 01:46:38 pm

Carl!!! Thank you for your feedback on the painting, the studio and the new contest, and for sharing your own experience with endings. You and I come from a slightly similar incubator, so it is fascinating to me to hear how you handle endings.

Celebrating with you and Wendy! What an extraordinary, wonderful thing! You two are meat to be - a neverending love! xoxo

Reply
Carl Stoveland
10/6/2025 11:06:18 pm

I think both reactions hanging in too long and cutting off quick and clean are two sides of the same coin. Both are reactions to trauma and meant to avoid painful eventualities.

lola
10/7/2025 05:32:17 pm

oh, you are so wise and so right! Somewhere in the middle we shall land! xo

Reply
Thea
10/6/2025 05:13:20 pm

Thanks for the vulnerability you share here about your fear of writing certain REAL and True things in your blog. I have that too. I always think the walls will fall in, but they haven't so far. In fact, the response to real and true things that may not be pretty, are often heartier than the response to when I stay safe.
Have you gotten pushback when you have spoken about endings with family or friends before?
Or has there been a blessed silence?
Or something else?

Reply
lola
10/6/2025 05:38:15 pm

Thea!!! Thank you for sharing that you have this fear of writing REAL and TRUE things! And you are so right - in this space and with the "right" people, at least, the response has always been positive!

Excellent questions. I have received pushback in the past, and sometimes silence, and sometimes endings as a result. Perhaps when you're surrounded with the "wrong" people, sharing your fears merely provides them with another tool for making you feel bad (especially when your sadness or upset provides them with some kind of spark). OY!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Lola Jovan

    Picture

    Get Mail!

    * indicates required
    /* real people should not fill this in and expect good things - do not remove this or risk form bot signups */

    Intuit Mailchimp

    Categories

    All
    An Unexpected Life
    Bones
    Bossy Pants
    Mischief And Malarkey
    Rewilding
    The Art Of Seeing
    The Inner Landscape
    The Weight Of Words

contact lola
Picture
Here's the blue wild, where
tiny dreamers ride beasts, speak
​ birdsong, hold the moon.

(by poet Mary W. Cox)
​


​Art prints available on request
  • Home
  • ART
  • BLOG
  • Exhibits
    • The Downside of Lycanthropy
    • A Song for the Hunted
    • The Wild God
    • NUDGE - SHOVE
  • BOOKS