Welcome to Lola-land, which is also la-la-la-la-lola-land and is now officially www.lolajovan.com.  Whoa.  That's pretty sweet.

This is the story of Lola.
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Many years ago, when I first started down this creative path, I painted a self-portrait and called her "Lola" - my alter-ego and badass inner wild child.  Her unstoppable persona was what I mentally put on for gallery openings, public talks and other swashbuckling events where my art was on display and my person was anxious or lacking confidence.

Later, when the universe tossed a couple of life grenades at me and sent me into a tailspin,  becoming more Lola-like was the way I survived.  What would Lola do?  

And then one day, my incredible partner, knowing the name and its significance to me, began calling me Lola.

​Now it is one thing to hear your inner badass name in your mind as you give yourself a pep-talk or a boost of confidence, but it is another thing entirely to hear it spoken by another.  There is big, BIG power in that.  Major mojo.

It gave me permission (permission I very much needed, apparently) to become Lola.

The final step in lolafication was acquiring the domain for this website and a new email address to complete the outfit. 

​And so, here I am, fully lola-fied.  Oh my!

"The Fully Complex Scope of Being" oil on art board, 16 x 20.  Available here and at Artfinder.


"It’s my nature to question, to look at the opposite side. I believe that the best writing also does this … It tells us that where there is sorrow, there will be joy; where there is joy, there will be sorrow … The acknowledgement of the fully complex scope of being is why good art thrills … Acknowledging the fullness of things,” she insists, “is our human task.” - JANE HIRSHFIELD

My wanders are taking me back to portraiture for a moment.

I've been fascinated with the many contemporary painters who use paint like a sculpting tool in carving faces into canvas.  Leaving rough, thick paint and harsh lines while still conveying the emotion and essence of a human.  

In both abstraction and portraiture, I wonder how much I can convey without spelling it out?  How little can I define while still helping your eyes see it fully?

The words of Hirschfield (some of her other words are literally tattooed on my body)  had me nodding and mmmmhhhhmmmmm-ing.  The more art I look at, the more images passing through my own visual, emotional and intellectual filters, the more I see the good stuff acknowledges the fully complex scope of being.  Our humanity, our very being, is complicated and messy and fraught with stumbles, trips and falls.  The pendulum of joy and sorrow.  The scales of fullness and emptiness.  Beauty and ugliness.  Despair and wonder.

Thank you, dear reader, for being part of the fullness of things.  Your very presence swings the pendulum toward joy. XO

And simultaneously reading aloud another book featuring a wandering monk and robot is the next best thing to actually wandering the countryside while being curled up on the sofa on a dark, rainy evening.

The meandering dynamic duo (the. monk and robot, not the husband and myself, though we are, indeed) have a way of tackling philosophy in the sweetest ways, often leaving me smiling and teary simultaneously.   Like today's passage and the idea that home is always part of our past, and then when we return to it we are never the same person who once lived there.  Whoa.

Which is exactly how I feel returning home from a hike, a walk or a wander, or after painting something  - creating a new world that wasn't there before, and being altered by the process of creating it.  The Lola who enters the studio is never the same one who exists.  

Oh, how things get in the way.

I mean, can I even imagine feeling "whole"?  Personally? Creatively? Interpersonally? In life?  Yes, I can nearly see it there, just beyond reach - like a word on the tip of. my tongue.  Elusive, but there.

The definition of and obstacles in the way of wholeness vary by person, I'm guessing.  There are real world obstacles which we all face in various combinations, but inner hurdles and obstacles - I'm guessing those are what Nepo is getting at.  Our own assumptions, beliefs, judgments, attitudes and flotsam.  Oy.

​There are so many obstacles on the creative path.  Time, for sure.  Education, experience, instruction, materials - yup.  But mostly, mainly, what I hear from other artists and musicians and writers and performers of all. kinds is that the big, bad obstacle is nearly always inside our heads.  Mine sounds like "I CAN'T".  (My inner obstacle is not verbose, just stern.).  It's different from my interpersonal obstacle voice, which sounds like "I'M AFRAID TO."

So I'm not sure exactly how to spread big love to these obstacles, but I think it begins with the sound of Thich Nhat Hanh's voice saying "I see you little one.  I see your fear.  I see your lack of confidence.  Come here and let's work through it together."  And so, as I hold hands with my inner obstacles and skip off into the studio, I ask you, dear readers, what the obstacles to your wholeness  and how can you love them?

And a new year begins.

Already I am wondering, how will I be different at the end of this year?  How will my heart feel?  What will the art look (and feel) like?  Where will my feet have walked in those 365 days?

​I have SO MANY IDEAS.  It's a bit overwhelming.

Despite all the wondering, one thing is for sure:  I will continue to wander.

More than that, I will EMBRACE the wandering.

Now wait a minute, whoa, hold on there lady.  As artists, we're suppose to find our voice and STICK WITH IT, right?  Or at least, that's what "they" tell you.

Um, nope and nope.  I plan to let the art wander EVEN MORE than it has in the past, dropping all the inner critic voices and the anticipated judgment of others and just make the dang things.

Reading over this, that is a LOT of capitalized words.  I'm not yelling, dear reader.  Well, maybe I am a little.  I'm FEISTY about the wander.  

Raise your voice in the comments below, creatives!  Where are YOU going to wander?