Face Into Our Fear

"Face Into Our Fear" - acrylic on Yupo, 11 x 14.  Available here and at Artfinder.

When we take our seat and face into our fear, without either fighting against it or letting it take us over, we also draw on a deeper resource within us: our warrior spirit.  And this is of far greater benefit than trying to make ourselves feel comfortable by getting rid of our fear. - JOHN WELWOOD,  Journey of the Heart

I don't know about you, but fear is a thing I have plenty of.

I'm afraid of living too large, and afraid of living too small a life.  Afraid of loving too much, and of not loving enough.  Afraid of speaking my mind, and of silencing my opinions.  Afraid of creating with wild abandon, and afraid of being dull in my creative life.  And snakes, poison oak and falling from cliffs, of course. :)

My modus operandi in the past has been to eradicate the fear: to do whatever it takes so I won't be afraid anymore.  Sometimes that meant not doing something amazing because it was scary.  Other times it meant trying to change the unchangeable situation (cue the sound of head butting into a wall).  But I am trying something different.  Looking it in the face.

At first, when looking directly at the fear, I become even more afraid.  All the inner dialogue yells DANGER WILL ROBINSON just for glancing at the thing.  Sheesh!  So noisy in there!

Face Into Our Fear

But fear (like loneliness and sadness) are just tiny specs of the many things that are Lola.  It isn't right that it should hold such power and demand so much attention.  For now, I am only getting comfortable with the idea that I can be constantly uncomfortable.  Sitting in the hot seat and looking at the thing makes me squirmy.  Can I really do that all the time?  Maybe.  Because the discomfort says I am challenging the thing instead of looking away.  Facing fear is an ironic bravery, isn't it?   It says I am not afraid of being afraid.