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"Waiting in Silence" - mixed media on paper, 10" x 14".  Available here and at Artfinder.
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There are plans I need to make.  Realities to face.  Losses to mourn and big girl pants to put on.  Am I doing that?  No, I am waiting in silence.

Like telephone poles, billboards, lifeguard chairs and roadside stands, I wait.  My structure has a purpose when adorned or inhabited.  But it can also be empty and waiting.
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Mind you, this is a new approach for me, this waiting.  I've always been racing toward the next thing, good and bad.  It was uncomfortable at first.  Slowing down, sitting with it, letting things be.  Action makes me feel in control.  Waiting feels like surrender.

And it is.  But SO WHAT?  Surrender is the right response when we aren't in control (which we rarely are, it appears).   Surrender gives us time to build our strength for the next thing.  Which will will surrender to.  But it is a cycle we are called to participate in over and over again.  A maypole of dancing in circles.

"​Like musicians who wait in silence for music to come out of the forest of their hearts..."  -  Mark Nepo.

I am waiting in the woods for the music.  If I am very, very quiet, I might catch the first opening notes.
10 Comments
THAMER AZULE-WRIGHT - 8 years ago
This is so true. It's in these "forced" moments that the universe presents us that we make and have the time to do what we should do all the time. I'm also experiencing something similar and reading your words cleared up the clouds in my sky this morning! Thank you and hope you feel more comfortable in your uncomfortable moments!
jen - 8 years ago
Thamer! We are in sync! I am so happy to have brought a little clear skies to your morning. :) But I am sorry to hear you have a similar forced moment taking place. Maybe when this season has passed, we can meet and compare wisdom notes?
Judy - 8 years ago
You sound like “Penelope and the Magical Forest”
She too is waiting in silence.
I know how you feel and my heart hurts for you
jen - 8 years ago
Judy!! I love Penelope. The waiting is good for me. I think that's the point. So much learning and transforming going on because I am forced to sit and wait. Although my "normal" self is hollering at the inactivity, there is a part of me that must have really need this. xo
Dorothy Seiter - 8 years ago
Jen, I remember the first time I realized that not only was I not in control, but also … I never HAD been!

Your painting and your post: magical together. "Waiting in Silence" invites me to look and look and look, to let my eyes explore every nook and cranny in silent wonder. I love its combined wordlessness and storytelling.
jen - 8 years ago
Dotty! I am a very slow learner...those realizations hit me hard, and then months or years later I convince myself I am in charge again! Ha! And then WHAM, the 2 x 4 against the noggin and I am saying "duh". Maybe this time it will stick? :)

Thank you for exploring this piece. Many, many layers and following the paint. This is where it led me. xo
Carol Edan - 8 years ago
Giving some thought to the "waiting" game. Found this quote: “What we are waiting for is not as important as what happens to us while we are waiting. Trust the process.” Mandy Hale
Surrender to this waiting time....for sure you'll hear the notes!
jen - 8 years ago
Carol! That is EXACTLY what is going on here! Waiting is transformative...I'm not very good at it, but it is good for me. :)
Patti Bryan - 8 years ago
I, too, have recently been forced to surrender. To someone's dying, to my own frailty as I age. I had the magical thinking that I could control life with my beliefs and positive thoughts. Boy, was I in for a fall from this lofty perch! It has been a painful few months, lying around in tears, mostly. But it is a spiritual transformation that was long overdue. This dark night of the soul has brought me peace on the other side, an acceptance that I've never had before. I raged against the idea that life included suffering and thought I'd done enough, so no more. Futile idea. With this grieving, I see that I can grieve and survive to laugh again, to know joy. I will be okay. And I know you will be, also, my brave sister.
jen - 8 years ago
Patti....dear heart, thank you for your words of empathy and encouragement. You have surely been through this and MORE! Every day I am seeing more and more of the wisdom, message, meaning, acceptance and surrender necessary at this point in my life. There is beauty in this...even on days I don't want to see it.

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